Family Planning Questions: Are We “Ready”?
As a marriage and family therapist, and new mom, I tend to see one big barrier for people who are thinking about family planning- THE QUESTION: “Are we ready?” While the philosophical argument could be made that you are never fully ready to commit to family planning, you can feel more aligned with your partner in the process.
The following questions are some I talk through with couples who are seeking support in identifying if they want to take the next steps in their family planning journey. Every couple is different, every family if different. There is no “perfect time” or feeling regarding family planning!
If these questions feel overwhelming, consider setting up services with a couples counselor for personalized support. Building healthy communication skills and deeper mutual understanding before committing to something as life changing as family planning can be a great resource!
Please note some of the questions are based on families who want to get pregnant or adopt. These do not define the full scope of how a family can be built.
Circumstantial:
What is your ideal timeline for adding a child into our family?
Do you have a specific age you would want to be done trying to get pregnant/have kid(s)?
How many children do we want to have?
When you think about a family, what are your hopes? Dreams? What are things that are dealbreakers for you (if any)?
For adoption: What is our states options & timelines for potentially adopting a child?
For Assisted Reproductive Technology support, what is our doctors recommendation? What timeline does that give us for trying to conceive?
If we got pregnant tomorrow, is where we currently live adaptable to having a baby?
Financial:
With our current budget, how do we see adding the expenses of a new child into our lives?
What are both our jobs FMLA/PFML options? Do we need to opt-in in order to receive benefits?
If our child needs additional support, would one of us stay home or would we be able to add full time childcare into our budget?
Who would we want to care for our child once we go back to work?
With our current health insurance, what is the general cost of family planning, birth and postpartum care?
If we are planning on adopting or ART what are our financial options? Do we need to adjust our budget to increase savings for any of these costs?
Relational:
What do we want to keep in mind throughout this process? (eg. We are a team, we are in this together, We are growing, etc)
What traits do you value in me as a partner & person? How do these translate in your mind into the new role of parenting?
What traits do you see in me that you are cautious about in regards to becoming parents?
As a couple, are there skills we can work on to develop healthier communication, regulation or deeper understanding of each other?
Who is currently part of your support system? Are there additional resources we can tap into now in preparation for this process?
How do you want to check in about our sex life? What check in questions do we have that feel comfortable vs confrontational?
The hope is that questions like these can lead into deeper conversations. Building perspective of each other’s hopes, fears, stuck points, dreams and realities is helpful in feeling more secure with each other regarding this decision.
You have resources! Some of these questions can be helpful discussing with your medical team or family advocate/case manager.
For additional support identifying or navigating the emotional journey of family planning please feel free to contact Koger Counseling.
